It still hurts (like shit)

credit: 10minutes

Noooo I'm not going to reveal any of my privacy again (tho actually there is nothing to hide anymore since I already revealing too much), I will talk about *ehm* Infinite Sungyeol. Yes. The one and only Prince in the Far Far Away Kingdom under the endless rainbow with unicorns all over the hills. This is not a bullshit (at least in my dream).

I've been thinking about this since what? The first time I like him? Yeah. I guess. My question is none other than: "Why did he get the least line?" "Why did he stand on the very corner?" "Why did he dance on the very back?"

Still left unanswered. All of them.

I couldn't help but it hurts to see. When the other got a line and Sungyeol didn't. When the others got a solo shot and Sungyeol didn't. Why. Just why. Well, about me saying that Sungyeol got no solo shot it's not completely true, almost. The situation is nearly this way: Sunggyu (8 times) Dongwoo (6 times) Woohyun (8 times) Hoya (9 times) Sungyeol (4 times) Myungsoo (10 times) Sungjong (7 times). There! There has been absolutely a situation like that. I'm so upset I couldn't help it. He is like the most innocent person I ever met in my life *lies*. Blah, at least he is not faking anything and that's why he is more charming than anyone in the group for me (my opinion. idc bout urs). He has a very bright smile and it looks so innocent and pure and just like an angel. He is not denying anything about his mistake in the past. He is sincere. But, well, I love him but I couldn't deny the fact that he has an explosive character. He is ignorant (sometimes). He is careless and cannot take care of his body. What could I expect? He is a human, too. Everybody makes mistake.

Back to da topic guise. Okay, I hope that he will get more part in this album. Sajangnim said there is a member with improved vocals. Who could it be? I hope it's Sungyeol *le creys a river*. When I was writing this crap, I noticed that Melon released a video of Last Romeo MV making (idk man, making teaser?), I don't know I haven't watch it but when I scrolled down my tl I saw a tweet: Sungyeol got no solo shot dhdienediddldldk. What. WTF. Right when I was having a thought about him getting more shots and lines?! And then something popped up on the very top of my tl, well, Sungyeol's shot. When the others have (at least) 2, he only has 1. I don't know if there is more and just not revealed yet. Idk. Let's just wait and wish for the best of him (or woollim, if they are kind enough).

#LastRomeo TEASER

It doesn't feel right if I didn't post anything due to Infinite's comeback. LOL

 

and don't forget, individual concept image

 And the most important part:

What the fuck is that, really. I hope woollim is kind enough to give us more than one teaser. This is seriously a torture to release the teaser yesterday when the MV will be released on 21st. Just like what the other inspirits said, this teaser gave me 'The Chaser' feelings. What makes it different is just that there's actually a girl.

Space in Need

Ternyata liburan ini gak kayak yang aku kira.

Jalan-jalan bareng temen kesini lah, makan disitu lah, nginep, bikin graduation project lah, ujung-ujungnya emang gak sedikit yang gak terlaksana. Mungkin beberapa orang yang baca ini akan ngomong: "And whose fault is that?"

The fault is on me, if I could say that.

Mungkin aku gak bilang maaf whatsoever tapi ketahuilah, kalau emang kalian bener-bener nganggep hubungan kalian itu adalah sebuah persahabatan, kata-kata kayak terima kasih dan maaf itu gak seberapa perlu diucapkan. Karena teman sejati tau isi kepala kamu bahkan ketika kamu belum mengatakannya. Dan itu indah, dan itu gak perlu diubah, karena dari situ kalian tau seberapa besar nilai persahabatan itu buat kalian.

Bagus. Sekarang aku keliatan kayak nerd karena semua yang di atas itu based on the novels I read. Lol

Sekarang aku ngerasa bener-bener 100% anak rumahan. Too busy, too lazy, too afraid to go out; sepertinya sih gitu. Bahkan sesuatu yang nyaris mendarah daging kayak LINE sama Twitter, sebisa mungkin aku hindari. Aku butuh banyak space. Sebisa mungkin gak contact sama orang lain. I'm scared.

I believe that everybody has their own flaws and some people are good to just let it go. But here I am, too afraid to let everybody finds out mine. Too aware of the hatred that they might throw on me once they found out. Scary, isn't it?

I hope ppl understand.

With Sincerity

Ini bukan tentang aku yang gampang menyerah. Bukan itu. Aku cuma capek aja, kayaknya sesuatu seperti 'oke gak boleh gini lagi ya' itu basi dan gak ada pengaruhnya banget. There's no sincerity in that phrase, even a tiny bit. Percuma cerita-cerita....kalau ternyata hanya angin lalu saja. 

Pada saat itu aku bisa bicara karena aku yakin semuanya masih bisa diperbaiki dan diubah, tapi sekarang, aku gak yakin lagi. Aku gak percaya lagi. Terserah aja. Jika dirasa simbiosis mutualisme itu masih ada, silahkan. Meskipun sebenernya yang jadi poin bukan itu. Apalagi ini mau ujian nasional, bukan saatnya bahas gituan. Jelas aja tindakan itu jadi hal yang negatif, karena sesuatu yang berkaitan dengan perasaan bisa segampang itu diabaikan. Harusnya sih dibenerin, tapi nampaknya manusia-manusia sekarang lebih suka sama apa yang ada di depan mereka, tanpa melihat lagi apa yang udah mereka lupain dan mereka tinggalin. Mana mikir, orang yang pernah kita dzalimi itu sakit apa enggak, yang pernah kita bully itu terluka apa enggak, yang pernah gak kita peduliin itu kecewa apa enggak; ya? Ya.

If you wanna leave, you can. I'll remember you though. 

I remember everyone who leaves.

Sincerely,

Firnanda

Parable: a Combat Soldier

Written on 2/04/2014

So, the attack is on the 14th.

At this point, I need more and more work out, preparing some shits which is going to be needed on d-day. Just imagine the war; the troops' thumping heart, the clenched fists, the flaming spirits, the well-prepared weapons. I hope I'm ready for this.

I've always been wondered at how tired my fellow friend was. The loud snoring could be heard from the top bunk every night. While me, myself, can't even force my eyes to shut or get the shit out of my head. That was until the rooster started to scream.

The war is even closer and I got myself called by the sergeant. He scolded me for not doing well on the shooting range a week ago. Does he think that I'm a fool? Because I got this punishment shit. This is so unfair. Totally unfair. After being scolded, I turned around and heard a loud 'bang' behind me. That was the sergeant, he tripped over my rifle. Well, even my rifle thinks that this is very unfair. I don't even remember why I left my rifle near the sergeant's table. Maybe I did it on purpose when I blanked out. That doesn't make sense, I know.

Everybody from Squad 120202 works harder than before, including me, I guess. Because in less than two weeks, we will show them what we are capable of in 3 days straight. I'm sure we'll win tho. We are not that weak.

I'm not that weak.

Gone With Summer

"It's summer, Ryan. Everybody changes!" said Sharpay. This kept on haunting me since the day I heard it from HSM 2. At that time, I was only 14 (or maybe 13, whatever!), I'd no clue about that. What makes it weird is, I still clearly remember it up till now. Well, a hint for your future, anyone? And now, I definitely understand what that means. Everybody changes, biatch! 

At this rate, all you have to do is just sit in silence while listening to others, and watching the way they behave. If something suddenly clicks then maybe it was that feeling. Yes, that feeling when you think everything is just completely different. Different from yesterday, or maybe last week, or maybe last year. You could just guess. 

What hurts is that suddenly you realize that someone is not by your side anymore. You have no idea why, all you know is that they're slowly walking away from your life. What did I do wrong? Hell, at this rate you only know how to think in paranoia. Blaming yourself for all the things you never did instead of sitting calmly with a cup of coffee in front of you. How stupid could we get. How stupid could I get. That's just how we are and how thing goes. Or is it just me who's beyond everybody's behaviour? Seems closer to it. 

A Sudden Day-Off

YAYYYY!! DAY-OFF!

Ok. Sebenernya ini gak layak untuk dirayakan, karena: D-4 Ujian Sekolah. Jadi sungkan-sungkan sendiri sama Mama, padahal pagi-pagi banget udah nyetrikain seragam gue. Hhhm...jadi gini ceritanya:

Di suatu pagi yang cerah (cerah banget malah, kontras sama malam sebelumnya, hujan angin dimana-mana), gue udah siap-siap mau berangkat ke sekolah, dengan si monster kecil berseragam putih-merah di jok belakang, motor pun melaju dengan riang. (?) Pas mau keluar dari gang rumah, gue udah dihadapkan dengan sebuah pemandangan yang fantastik, lo tau apa? Ya! Truk-truk dan bus-bus berhimpit-himpitan di satu lajur, di bagian yang lain sepeda motor pada bejubel gak karu-karuan. Ini kenapa pula lajur one-way dijadiin two-way? Ini udah bikin mental gue ancur, mau nyampe sekolah jam berapa kalo jalanan segini macetnya? Akhirnya tanpa mengetahui penyebab pasti gue puter balik, ceritanya nih mau lewat jalan alternatif, lewat belakang.

Setelah itu, gue dihadapkan oleh masalah baru, jalan alternatif yang gue kira adalah ide hebat, ternyata malah sebaliknya. Sebuah jalan yang lebarnya gak ada 2 meter itu dilanda kemacetan, ya, macet. total. Kalo waktu itu ada siput yang lagi jalan di sebelah motor gue, gue jamin tuh siput bakal dengan mudah nyalip gue dan gue akan tertinggal 3 meter di belakangnya. Pada waktu itu gue bener-bener gak berani liat jam, takut epilepsi di jalan saking shock-nya. Gak lama kemudian, ada bapak-bapak keluar dari rumahnya sambil bawa sign, tulisannya: Belok kanan. Jalan Alternatif. Kemudian si Bapak bilang, "Lewat sini mbak, terus mentok belok kiri udah nyampe jalan utama". Tentunya gue langsung belok kanan sesuai dengan instruksi yang diberikan, dan tau apa? Jalanannya becek bukan main, tiap kali gue ngerem, rasanya nyeimbangin motor yang bannya slip sana slip sini itu susaaaah banget, sumpah. Gue hanya bisa berdoa sambil nahan dongkol. Gimana enggak? Adek gue yang ada di belakang dengan bahagianya ketawa-ketawa. Mungkin efek ban slip yang aneh dan menggelikan itu terasa menyenangkan bagi dia. Terserah aja deh.

Lantas, setelah melewati kerasnya perjalanan di sepanjang jalur alternatif itu, gue berhasil mengantar si lil' monster ke sekolahnya. Kedongkolan gue akan si kunyuk itu lenyap ketika dia dengan bodohnya turun dari motor, melambaikan tangan ke gue, dan berjalan dengan masih menggunakan helm. Gue yang gak sanggup ketawa cuma diem tanpa ekspresi nungguin tuh anak sadar. Akhirnya dia menyadari kebodohannya lalu berbalik dan ngasih helm itu ke gue. Hahahahaha dasar!

Namun cerita belum berakhir....

Setelahnya, gue terpaksa ngecek jam. Dan voila! 06.45! Itu mah di sekolah udah bel masuk. Kalo berangkat sekarang kan percuma juga kalo telat bakalan di usir. Akhirnya, gue pulang gundah gulana bukan main. As expected, diceramahin sama Mama.

That's okay, I deserve it anyway.

Suddenly a Poem!

standing still

[this is bad but this is originally made by me]

Peng.har.ga.an

Penghargaan bukan medali

Penghargaan bukan piagam

bukan piala

bukan hadiah

apalagi uang

Penghargaan

Sebuah rasa menghargai

Sebuah rasa menghormati

Sebuah rasa terima kasih

dan tidak enak hati

Seseorang hanya minta dihargai

Ia tak minta uangmu

Ia tak ingin rebut bahagiamu

Hanya ucapan terima kasihmu

Hanya itu

Sebuah hal kecil

yang mampu kau selesaikan dalam sedetik saja

Mudah

Sangat mudah

Terima kasih

adalah hal yang mudah

hal yang indah

hal yang sangat sederhana

Mengapa tak kau ucapkan

Harga dirimu takkan tertindas olehnya

Hanya dengan terima kasih

kau bisa membayar apa yang telah kulakukan

Ini bukan pamrih

Ini hanya tentang penghargaan

Menghargai apa yang orang lain telah lakukan untukmu

Tapi

Tak ada terima kasih

Hanya kau yang beraninya menyakiti hati ini

Kau bajingan tak tau diri

Manusiakah kamu

Dimana etikamu

Dimana moralmu

Dimana perasaanmu

Busuknya kau masih berani

membusungkan dada di depanku

Tak tau malu